Instead, I'll just provide some bulleted "highlights" and lowlights (with some added commentary of course, since we all know I'm incapable of brevity in my blogging) for the sake of memorializing some of the experience. There are also pictures at the bottom of this post (for those of you who want to skip the commentary and head straight to the goods).
Lowlights:
-Ryder was cath'ed 4 times in ER and 2 times (the next day) in NICU (I was irrationally afraid that they would do permanent damage to his poor little private parts by jamming a tube in there over and over again). Apparently, he was so dehydrated, that even after a full bag of IV fluids, there was simply no pee-pee to be had. I wish they could have made this determination after attempt #1 and waited a while before violating him again.
-I was forced to watch while ER nurses performed a lumbar puncture (i.e. spinal tap) on Ryder soon after his arrival, which is a procedure known to be very painful. The experience was made worse when Ryder just laid there, flopped over the nurses arm, without budging or crying during the procedure. You KNOW your baby is sick when they stick him in the spine and he is too lethargic to even flinch...
-Shortly after admission to NICU, nurse said Ryder may have stopped breathing overnight had we not brought him in when we did (to put it more bluntly, Ryder was on death's bed and may not have survived the night). When underweight babies become dehydrated and can no longer maintain their body temperature, their organs (in particular, their respiratory systems) can shut down.
-Nurses said that Ryder wouldn't have to get a feeding tube put in as long as we could get him to take a minimum of 50ml (slightly less than 2 ounces) at each feeding. This is a very small amount. Although it took some coaxing, for the first two days, all feedings were successful. On day three, Ryder "failed" one of his feedings and the nurse inserted a feeding tube. It was horrible and felt like such a set-back. Luckily, Ryder pulled it out less than 24 hours later, and he never needed one again.
-Ryder failed to gain weight for the first several days despite IV, tube feeds and successful bottle feeds (so frustrating!).
-Nurse rushed in during a feeding and asks whether I was aware that Ryder had "Brady'ed" (this is NICU jargon, which is a short term for Bradycardia, and means that the baby stops breathing and his heartrate slows for at least 15 seconds). I felt like such a mommy-failure for not noticing that anything had happened.
-Continuous breastfeeding/pumping disappointments (see prior blog post re: breastfeeding woes)
-Disappointment that we had to cancel Ryder's Bris (the Jewish ceremony in which the circumcision is performed eight days after birth). More disappointment a few days later when I stepped away to grab a bite from the cafeteria (leaving my mom in the NICU room with Ryder), and during the 15 minutes that I stepped away, the surgeon came by to take Ryder away for his circumcision. I was upset that I didn't get to kiss him and say goodbye before his procedure.
Highlights:
-Ryder was moved from his heated incubator to a "big boy crib" (day 4).
-Tests results continually came back normal, confirming that Ryder was simply in the "failure to thrive" category rather than having some kind of underlying disease, disorder, etc. causing his issues.
-The love and support of many of my friends and family memebers shined through, as we received phone calls, texts, care packages and visits. I was so grateful for these gestures. Nothing like a little trauma to find out who your true friends are.
-Ryder finally gained weight (day 5 I think?)
-Friends moved GGN (Girls Game Night) holiday party to Cook's Children's Hospital cafeteria (this was truly amazing, as the party was originally set to take place at a wine bar, and yet my sweet friends didn't feel right about celebrating without me. Thus, they moved the party to the Cook's cafeteria, where we ate cafeteria food and bottled water instead of pizza and wine.)
-Ryder got discharged, after a LONG week, and we got to parade him through the lobby to load him in our car.
Although the "lowlights" may technically outnumber the "highlights," the highlights outweighed the lowlights by far. Also, I would be remiss if I did not mention how fortunate Blake and I felt, even while Ryder was in the NICU. In our own little bubble, we felt that we were going through a truly traumatic and terrible experience. Not that our experience should be downplayed, but the truth is that Ryder was probably the healthiest baby in the NICU. He was merely a month premature and was categorized as a "failure to thrive" or a "feeder and grower." Many of the babies in the NICU were truly suffering and/or struggling to survive. A lot of those babies had been there for weeks or even months and others had months still ahead of them. As difficult as the experience was, Blake and I took several opportunities to stop and recognize how lucky we were and how hard it must be for the parents whose babies stay in the NICU for weeks or months on end. We also felt extremely fortunate that we lived close to the hospital and even luckier that Ryder was staying at the only hospital in the country where babies are given private NICU rooms and parents are allowed to stay overnight. Most NICU parents aren't so lucky. If they live far away or aren't fortunate enough to have a facility like Cook's with private rooms and pull-out couches, then they are forced to leave their babies alone, which is unimaginable to me since I had the ability to stay by Ryder's side. During the week that Ryder was in the NICU, I only left the hospital twice. Both times, I begrudgingly left (after much convincing) to go home and shower and get fresh clothes. One time, my mom and Blake even talked me into taking a nap. Neither time I was away for more than 3 hours.
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| This was at Ryder's pediatrician appointment less than 24 hours before we took him to the ER. Although tiny, he looks pretty peaceful and healthy, right? Even the doctor thought he looked okay. Just goes to show how quickly things can turn. |
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| Ryder in the Emergency Room. Although it may appear that he was merely taking a snooze, this picture was shot moments after his lumbar puncture and repeated catheter insertions. He was too lethargic to function. Also, for size-reference purposes, the diaper that is obviously too big on him was a newborn size diaper. |
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| Ryder in his temperature-controlled isolette, once he was admitted to the NICU |
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| Does this baby look sick to you? No way! What a cutie! |
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| Ryder in his big-boy NICU crib, after he graduated from the isolette (once he proved he could maintain his temperature without extra help) |
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| Day 3. Dealing with a set-back: insertion of a feeding tube. |
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| Ryder's digs during his week-long stay in the NICU. It was spacious and nice (my pull-out bed/couch was behind the recliner that can be seen in the bottom left-hand corner). |
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| Cook's Children's Hospital courtyard. So cute! |
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| The GGN Holiday "Party" in the Cook's cafeteria |
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